Everyone order up their favorite thirst quencher, or three and sit back and join me on our trip. I am buying and the plastic is on the bar! Its a Long One!

A couple of months in the planning finally came to fruition this past Saturday as my wife, Pandora (yeah, that's really her name) and I joined forces with some friends to complete the first leg of our 2002 ABC's of Touring.

The additional members of our riding group included David Schultheis. (BS146) on his "slightly dinged" 1996 States Blue Pearl Blue Road King, my wife and I on our 2001 FLHT (including some minor poser parts), and another couple Lee and Kelly on their 1994 Electra Glide.

The initial point of meeting was our house in Manteca. David S. had come up on Friday night. We all celebrated my middle son's birthday, cake and pizza provided. Headed to bed early for an early start.

Saturday morning I was up at 3:00am. Unable to sleep any longer and eager to get riding I checked the email and RMH messages. This would ensure that we were up to date prior to departure. After that short period of time I began to check out the scoot ensuring us a safe trip. Tire pressure, check. Shock pressure, hmmm, better add some here, ok a lot! Started packing up the saddlebags with those wonderful poser liners that I purchased. (Well worth the money, IMHO) Kids up, dressed, Mom up and dressed, and David S. up and dressed. Send Mom off with the kids to drop them off with the Grandparents. Called Lee and Kelly to confirm they were ready to head up to meet us, and they were.

Everyone ready to ride at 8:00am. First problem! Lee had just rebuilt his front caliper, and noticed some fluid on the front fender. Decision time.Hell with it, he just won't use that brake that much. Ok then.

8:10am we are off quick stop at the gas station, all three top off and we are on the road!

We leave Manteca on a partly cloudy morning, temperature in the 50's. Excellent weather, no rain predicted. I know this cause I checked three different weather web sites and Doppler radar sites checking out the entire route for the day.

Heading east out of Manteca to Jack Tone Road and then a left heading north. We are cruising! First stop is on HY 88 for a Waterloo picture, then a short hop up to Lockeford for another picture, then on to Clements for a picture and breakfast. We stopped in Clements for breakfast and to hopefully do an IRL eyeball with Redbeard Emeritus. We arrived a tad late at about 9:07am. I missed our predicted arrival time of between 8:30 and 9:00 am. To say the least we missed you Redbeard. We will try again, soon.

Breakfast complete with some good food at Lay's Restaurant. Some of our riders were seen mopping up their plates to get it all. I won't mention any names. Time to go.

Back on to HY 88 heading north we took HY 124 north and connected with HY 49. Along the way we stopped and took various pictures of the cities and county signs that David S. and I need for the Touring contest.

For those not familiar with HY 49 in California, it is Gold Country. Beautiful rolling hills and foothills to the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Full of wonderful small towns that are spread out among farms and wineries. We were going to meet up with a friend (Mark) of David S., however do to wintry weather conditions up in his neck of the woods he declined to ride down and meet us.

We continued on up HY 49 through Nashville and various other very small towns. The weather was getting even better and David S. decided to give Mark another call from Diamond Springs. Mark decided that he needed to ride and the weather was clearing so we would meet at Hangtown HD in Placerville. We had to pick up some of those poser shirts with the hangman's noose before they are gone forever ya know. We all spent a little money and Mark arrived. After the intros all around we were back on the road again continuing to head north.

Heading through historical gold towns such as Coloma and Auburn. Crossing the American River on HY 49 is breath-taking scenery. Many pictures taken and the Placer County sign is in the middle of the bridge over the river. Yep, we stopped and took those pictures too! First gas stop on the road was Auburn.

Back on HY 49 and now going through Higgins Corner and on to Grass Valley. (Get those maps out and follow along if ya want) We pull over in Nevada City for another picture and Mark figures its about time for him to head back home. We stop and wave goodbye as he exits with us for the good-byes, but gets back on the freeway and rides off into the sunset with us all waving from the Chevron station with some confused looks on our faces. There was a little miscommunication and did not know that we wanted to thank him and say goodbye all in person. Oops. Next time we all know what to do.

Second problem! It is now getting late in the day, after 2:00pm. We are now getting some minor rain drops, and we are at least 100 miles of mountain driving to get to our destination of Quincy. Ok, we head out as fast as we can. We have decided to forego all of the nonessential pictures and stop at what is really necessary to complete the mission.

(Time to change maps if you are following along with us)

Still heading north on HY 49 we encounter light rain, nothing to panic about, yet! Now we are in the trees, and the temperature has dropped, a little, still it is a wonderful ride. Next stop is the tourist area of Downieville as Lee and Kelly had blasted on up ahead of David and I. They were there waiting for us right there in town. Lee is trying to call his hotel in Quincy as it is apparent that we are going to be late, slightly, past our initial arrival time of "by" 6:00pm. Lee is detained by a bad phone book and encourages David and I to continue on our way, knowing that he could catch up. I knew he could also. David and I agree and off we go.

Now mind you, to this point I had sworn that the highest point, i.e. Altitude on the map was at Bassetts with an elevation of 5,380ft. Now the snow level was supposed to drop below that altitude, but not until later that night. The rolling hills are now mountains, climbing, twisting, and winding their way through the Sierra Mountains. Rivers, creeks, ponds, and little lakes scattered throughout. Its starts raining now. I don't care much for that! We continue, but David S. is now following at a very safe distance. We continue our climb into the hills going through Sierra City, no way in hell I am stopping for a picture of that sign! The rain has now turned to sleet! My wife is squeezing me with her thighs like I am one of those damn thigh masters and she is gasping my chest so tight I can barely breathe. I think she is now a little paranoid and I am thinking maybe we should turn around and head back for dryer roads and warmer temperatures, as of course the temperature has now dropped below freezing! Damn weather web sites! I shake my head and decide that turning around on this mountain road is probably the worst idea, best bet?
Continue north!

The next elevation sign I see says something about 6,000 ft. Guess what? It is now hailing! Damn that shit stings when it hits your face, even if you are only doing 30-40 mph. Ouch! Thank goodness for my full-face helmet, now put the visor all that way down. Bad move folks! My visor is now steaming up, oh yeah; we are well below the freezing mark now!

6,500ft and now we are in a down right blizzard, I mean it is snowing like it does back home in Michigan! I am now doing 20 mph and all of a sudden the road flattens out and there is a sign, "Snow Park", must have permit. Permit my ass! Thought passes through my head, hey, stop and get this picture, what a shot it would be. My wife must have read my thoughts cause as I opened my mouth to say it out loud she yelled, you better not f*&king stop! Damn, there goes that picture. Oh yeah and the sign? Yuba Pass, elevation 6,701ft. Now the funny part. I just noticed that it is on the map, right there where it should be. Boy am I going to catch hell over this one.

We clear the pass, head down the hill and the roads are immediately dry. I am now thinking that this is some sick joke. Maybe there is a tornado waiting for us around the next turn. Nope, the roads are dry and the temperature is warming, slowly, but warming. Heading down the dry side we see a huge yellow caution sign plastered on the hill on the southbound side of the road. The sign starts out with "Riders Beware", by the time you get to "Deadmans Curve", you are now driving north in the southbound lane of traffic! I left a large stain on my seat as I realized where I had gone reading the damn warning sign. A quick push of the right hand and another on the left and we were safely back in our own lane. Now I had not seen the rest of the sign, but from what I just typed I knew something ahead of us was going to hurt anyone on a motorcycle, thus me! Now freezing, wet, and really frozen, with ice crusted all over my ride, my wife, and me I was driving real careful. David S. was no longer to be seen behind us. His safety margin had gotten longer and we were very well spread out. We had agreed to all meet at the HY 49 and HY 89 intersection. Oh yeah, Deadmans Curve was there, nasty enough, but plenty of warning signs in advance. If I find the idiot that put that sign, Oh never mind.

My wife and I arrived at the HY 49 & HY 89 intersection first. Frozen we chipped our way off the bike. Jumped up and down and examined the amount of ice, snow, and sleet on her. No damage, but she was cold, no doubt about that. Have a smoke and along came David S. Still wearing only his jeans! He can definitely handle a "wide variety" of weather. We were totally dressed in our poser FXRG cold weather gear, pants, coats, and gloves, all of it. I will swear by this stuff. My feet and hands were cold, but the rest of me was very warm, it is excellent stuff and was reasonably priced.

David S. examines the bikes, we are a mess, no doubt about that and he has to point out how much better my black paint accents the ice and road grime, as opposed to his slightly dinged States Blue Pearl Blue. Ok, he was right, my bike was real bad. Times up, Lee & Kelly haven't arrived we will continue on, time is running out.

Now heading north on HY 89, Lee & Kelly catch up, we are running beautiful mountains with a very light fine snow coming down. Not very heavy and none of it sticking to the roads. At about the time we connect into HY 70 at the Feather River it turns to rain again. Great, below freezing and now its raining again. The roads are more level and have more gentle turns, so we are making up some good time now. We blast through Graeagle, Blairsden, Cromberg, and Spring Garden, and roll into Quincy at about 2 minutes to 6pm at Lee & Kelly's hotel. We pull up to the front door and the first thing Lee says is "Oh, damn the pool is closed!"; sure enough the sign on the pool says, "pool closed". We are all dripping wet and the manager looks at us like we are all nuts. Ok, so we are.

They have a room and David S. and us take off to our B & B, The Feather Bed, located in old downtown Quincy. We find the place and I just missed it driving by, but David S. saw me point it out.

Ok, let me start this off by saying this is the truth, and there were no witnesses. I slow down and slide over to the right side of the road to make a U-turn. My wife starts bouncing around on the back of the bike like my 7-year-old. I yell sit still! As I drop her into first gear and start my U-turn I am doing very well. It's a very narrow, old country street with those 6-inch curbs. As I begin to come out at the end of the U-turn my wife shifts her weight. Now with the front wheel turned almost all the way to the left and going at maybe 1-2 mph guess what happened! Yep, down went the bike and the wife! I of course remain standing watching the gas leak out of my gas tank. First question, are you hurt? Her answer, No, but I hit my elbow and the helmet hit the ground. Ok, the helmet was made for that, and does your elbow still work? Yes, good then help me lift this thing back up! She is up we lift the bike up, set the stand and I look up to see the owner of the B & B standing in front of us. Ok, now I feel like an idiot! Oh no wait! David S. is standing down the street, in the street looking at us. I found out later that David S. never saw it happen. Ok, no witnesses, so then, let us all say it together, "It never happened", thank you! That's my story and I am sticking with it.

Recycle the ignition and hit the starter and we are off! No damage, yes! Pull into my private, off street parking and turn her off! Day one complete, well day one driving complete! No more riding tonight.

The owner allows me to park the scoot on the front porch of our "Guest House" cottage that we rented. I recommend this to anyone who can go, it is very nice. His only question was if my bike leaked. I suppose this was brought up as he saw us lying in the street with it. And no, we did not have any adult beverages either. The porch was all concrete and covered, perfect, as it was possibly going to drop well below freezing in Quincy, which is only just over 3, 000ft elevation.

Check in complete, peel the boots, socks, drop into the recliner with feet up in front of the fireplace. Ahhh, this is what its all about.

We are now hungry, very hungry mind you. Suggestions made by the manager and the cat Jackson. We heads to "Moon's Restaurant", walking distance as we all decided that none of us wanted to drive. At dinner David S. tells me that he meant to ask me what that green substance was all over the rear of my bike. I asked what green substance? I hadn't really looked at the back of the bike, as it wasn't possibly injured. He suggested that I check it out after we return from our fabulous meal.

We finished eating and it was dark. Returned to the B & B. Bike is still on the porch and our room is now very hot! We set the thermostat at 80 degrees, and oops, forgot it! Ok, open the front and back doors and air the place out, I mean cool it off.

I go out to inspect for this green substance. I am working with only a porch light and it isn't really working out that well. But I do see what appears to be some prehistoric dinosaur green snot dripping from the rear of my scoot. The stuff is sticky like instant rubber cement. Oh well too dark to worry about it much, I'll mess with it in the morning. Bedtime, Day 1 totally complete, including this damn green crap all over my bike.

Day 2; Sunday:

After an excellent night's sleep we awoke early at about 6:45am. Had some coffee in the room and did the normal morning stuff.

I then figured it was time to wander out and inspect this green crap all over my bike and see how bad the bike looked overall. She was still parked safely on the front porch. The streets were wet but it was not raining and the bike was now dry. It was quite chilly outside, but nothing was frozen nor frosted over. This is an excellent sign of things to come.

My scoot was filthy! Coated with this combination of white and gray road crap and a frosting of what looks like a phosphorus green slimy substance. My entire rear fender and lights were slowly dripping like near frozen 90-grade gear oil. I started her up to see if she would still run. Good she is running, now to clear this crap from at least the lights. Attempting to utilize water and a soft cloth was quickly proving to be futile. The slime was tearing the soft cloth in little pieces. Now the back of my bike looked somewhat like a pinata with a slimy green base coat and little specks of white scattered around.

Now desperate to remove this unknown substance I track down Bob, the B & B owner, maintenance, and all around handy man. The brochure stated that if you stain something to let them know right away, as some stains are impossible to remove if left too long. Since this applied to the room, I figured that since it had dripped on the front porch I might be able to obtain his eager assistance with a solution.

Bob arrived with a country confused look on his face. Not quite sure what to try he examined the substance and asked if I had run over Bigfoot. Hell, I had no idea, with all of the rain, snow, sleet, and hail that we rode through, who knows, I guess its possible. Bob departs to the "shop" to obtain some items and returns within minutes. He is now loaded with an entire cart of various cleaning solutions and is wearing a biohazard suit. The first attempt Bob applies some glass cleaner. This was a very bad idea as the slime doubled in size! Ok, next shot was toilet cleaner. No change and it still won't come off. After about an hour and Bob now covered in sweat he concedes and gives up. Breakfast is now ready in the dining room so he has to go. I too am hungry and decide that since I can still see paint on the fender the slime may not be hurting the bike. Hell with it, I need food.

David S. arrives to inspect the green slime. He agrees that yes it is slime and he also has no idea how to remove this crap. We depart for the main house to enjoy what has been promised to be a wonderful breakfast.

Breakfast is ok. Small portions, kind of what you would find in an overpriced gourmet restaurant, but just enough to fill the void. It was not the biker kind of breakfast that we had all envisioned.

We contact Lee & Kelly and arrange meeting and departure place and times. They arrive on time and we show them around our B & B. Lee is a little upset that he didn't call for reservations sooner.

I move my now loaded scoot into the street in front of the B & B and begin the pre-departure bike line up. Everyone in place and ready to roll a short time later, I fire up the bike, wife jumps on and the bike dies. Ok, I am now thinking that after the episode last night that my bike no longer likes my wife. Try to restart, a quick fire and dead again. Oh shit, I am out of gas. Flip to reserve and try again. One fire and she is dead again. Hmmm, seems that it is now bone dry after the morning warm up. Then came the suggestions from the helpful group. Its only two blocks down hill to the gas station, just get a starting push and roll on down. No I don't think so.

Bob to the rescue! He appears with a large can of gas and I thankfully add a little over a gallon. Thank Bob profusely and she fires up and stays running. This is a good thing. Ok, wife jumps on again, and the bike still stays running. Two points and now we are off to the gas station. Gas up, get some pictures of Quincy, fill the coolers with ice. Like we needed ice! The clouds are breaking and the roads are just about all dry.

Off we go still heading north on HY 70/HY 89. At Paxton HY 89 heads north and HY 70 heads west along the Feather River and through the Feather River Canyon. It is so beautiful it is hard to describe. We follow along the river with flowing water over the huge rocks, the trains on the opposite side and waterfalls coming down the hillsides. Down we go through Twain, Virgilia, and Rich Bar. Into Belden we stop for what Lee & Kelly know as their standard adult beverage stop. We shoot the breeze and take in the scenery for about a half-hour and then its back on the road. Continuing our descent back into the valley we go through various mountain tunnels. This of course causes some riders to roll on the throttle a tad to make sure their motors are still running properly. We pass through Tobin, Storrie, and Pulga. We arrive at Jarbo Gap and stop at Scooters for some vittles. We eat, chat with some fellow bikers and continue to head back into the valley. Lee & Kelly will continue on and head home, while David S. and my wife and I continue on to Clearlake. The sun is fully shinning with some occasional puffy white clouds and it appears that we will remain dry and warm all day.

The road takes us down through Yankee Hill and into Oroville on some freeway space. We open them up and cruise taking in the flatter lands and open space. In Oroville we head west on HY 162 through Thermalito and into Butte City. Just past Butte City we pick up HY 45 and head south stopping in Princeton for a short break and to peel some clothes and my wife and I are now sweltering in the warmth of the day.

(Time to change maps)

We cruise into Colusa, now just two bikes and locate HY 20, heading west again we hit Williams and stop for gas and a map reading. We confirm that Clearlake is only about 40 miles down the road. We are doing great the weather is holding and my wife announces that her body is screaming. She should have been a little clearer as I thought it meant something completely different, turns out she is a little stiff and sore. We head on into Clearlake on HY 20, which is rolling hills through elevations up to about 2,000ft. Nice wide sweeping turns for the most part. We arrive at the Best Western and check in with no problems. Decisions made that my wife will rest and unwind at the hotel while David S. and I head on up the road to Kelseyville for a needed picture.

David and I now head on south on HY 53 to HY 29 west and up to Kelseyville. More beautiful rolling farmland and wineries scattered about. We get our pictures and head back to Clearlake. David inquires about best location to park the scoots for the night. Charles the desk clerk shows us the video monitoring equipment and offers some suggestions. After selecting a location we go back to the desk and see that the cameras do not even show the bikes. Charles then offers to allow us to park right in front of the hotel under the driveway check-in overhang. Forecast is calling for rain during the night. David S. also meets the maintenance guy and he offers what ever he can to allow us to cover the bikes or anything else that we might need. The maintenance guy asks me what the slimy green crap is all over the back of my bike. I just told him that I ran over Bigfoot yesterday somewhere near the Yuba Pass and leave it at that. Wonderful staff there, warm and friendly.

We move the bikes to the front and cable lock them together. We are done for the day. We head to the hotel restaurant for some needed dinner only to find the place deserted. We are the only customers and have no problem getting seated. David S. inquires about any leftover Prime Rib from Saturday and to his pleasure he is in luck, after being shortchanged in Quincy as they ran out of Prime Rib.

Dinner done we return to our rooms, rest, relax, and mull over the last two days pictures and events. The only thing left is to watch the weather report for the Monday departure from Clearlake. It says rain. Well with that ugly thought in mind all of us head off to bed. Day two complete with perfect riding conditions and not one injury to the bike or body.

Day Three; Monday:

We awake early again and do the weather check by looking out the window. Crap, its raining all right and it has rained enough to have puddles all over the place.

Everyone completes the morning get ready routine and we decide to not eat breakfast but head on down the road.

Back onto HY 53 headed north to HY 20 and then eastbound retracing about 23 miles of road that we have already ridden. We are heading down to HY 16, which follows along the Cache Creek. This is a wonderful stretch of roadway also with nice hills and winding semi-mountain roads. Of course its still raining and we are riding at a much slower pace headed home. We make it to HY 16 and head south along the creek. First problem is that this is a rock slide area through most of it. Yep, we are dodging large sized rocks and miniature boulders in the roadway. Next obstacle is the deer! Ok, the first one comes across the road with no problem, a little braking and he is gone, the second one was already on the hillside and I never saw him. The rain stops, although the clouds are still looking very wet. Next we run into cows! Had we been driving a little faster there was a damn good chance that we may have actually hit them. A CHP officer was out there doing rancher duty trying to herd them back through the hole in the barbed wire fence. Thus no effect on us other than thinking how darn lucky we were. A quick stop in Rumsey for a picture and then on into Guinda, and finally Brooks with a rest stop at the Cache Creek Casino. Drop some change into the slots, both of us a little richer with about $40 more than we started. A slight delay at the gift shop for a little something for the Grandparents to thank them for watching the kids and we were back on the road. We wound our way through Capay, Esparta, and into Madison.

In Madison we picked up I-505 and headed north to 14 Road to go east to the little, very little town of Zamora for another needed picture. With our entire mission now complete we were ready to head home. The weather still on our side the roads are dry with pending doom looming over us in the dark clouds we head south on I-5 to Woodland. In Woodland we gas up and decide to not eat again but just continue on our way home.

We hit the freeway at cruising speed, kicked back and enjoyed the windy ride. We sailed through Sacramento with no problems and on into Elk Grove exiting the freeway for a short break and to let a nasty looking cloud down the road continue eastward so we would miss the rain.

As we chatted my wife was closely inspecting the slimy substance still securely attached to the rear of my bike. We began to wonder deeply how this came about. I began to solicit Dave S. at great lengths what he thought that it might actually be and how it all came about. This went on for what seemed like forever, and then as we were mounting up to move on Dave S., with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, informs me that I had been slimed by him! Well go figure, this entire time I was really thinking that I had indeed managed to squash Bigfoot.

With the butts a little rested we got back on the freeway and headed to Walnut Grove. Then on through Stockton, encountering some very light rain, which had managed to wash all of the dead bugs from my windshield, but had not done a thing to the slime still on my bike. At French Camp we parted ways as we got off to go home to Manteca and David S. continued on his way to San Jose.

It was an adventure filled trip and a great time. The bike is parked in the garage and I still can't that damn green crap off the bike. I wonder if hydrochloric acid will take it off? Dave S. isn't giving in with the information on how to get rid of it. I guess it stays forever.

Next trip? You bet, heading on out again next month for a longer distance ride. This trip was just over 620 miles with every possible road and riding condition imaginable. Pucker factors were a little high at times, but overall it was a fabulous trip.

Dave C.
01 FLHT
H.O.G.
Central Valley, CA (Manteca - Stockton - Modesto)