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(posted to r.m.h. on June 15, 2002)
Having trekked over 1K miles to Martin TN in weather even the locals called "Africa hot", I was a little light headed from my tour de force. Meeting some barflys of the VB&G, it was a strange sensation to be familiar with a personality before seeing them IRL. One of the folks I met was Bob, and his lovely wife Willa. After some tasty beverages and tall tales, Bob asked if I'd like to join the group on a ride sampling some of the areas byways, and dine at a restaurant at Reelfoot Lake. This sounded great, after plodding on the slabs for so many miles. The roads were slightly lacking in curves and altitude changes, but the scenery was excellent. Getting seated with the rest of the "computer club", that's when things turned strange. Bob approaches and sez, "Hi, I'm Bob EvilTwin". (me)-Well, we already met Bob. "No, no- I'm Bob the EviiiilllTwiiiin." (me)-OK, whatever. Uh, there's medication fer that condition. Wondering what kind of characters I'd gotten mixed up with, I breathe a sigh of relief when the waitress arrives. She looks around at the group. (I thought I caught Bob giving her a high sign) She turns to me, and sez- "You're not from around these parts are you honey? I highly recommend the Primordial Soup." (me)-Ummm, what's in it? (she)-Now if we gave away our recipe to everyone, we wouldn't be in business, now would we? (me)-Uh, I guess not. Then in a low whisper, everyone at the table starts chanting "primordial soup, primordial soup..." Buckling under the pressure of my hosts, I order the freakin soup. Waitress sez with a congenial smile, I'll bring you some ho-made corn squeezins to go with that!" I thought I must've been suffering the effects of heat stroke, cuz I swear I saw everyone at the table grinning at me, and their eyes were glowing- glowing I tell you! Meal arrives, I'm so hungry and thirsty, I slurp down the soup and guzzle a whole Mason jar of the HMCS. Wow, I felt a whole lot better. Bob the EvilTwin glides over, and suggests we take a walk in a swamp. WTF? In this weather? I went along, so as not to disappoint. Fer some strange reason, I couldn't quite feel my feet as I was walking. In fact, everything was gettin kinda fuzzy. We tromped across the road to a gen-U-whine cypress swamp. A boarded walkway beckoned deeper. There was a small winding stairway leading down, and as I was in the lead, I turned to ask which way the crowd wanted to go. Oddly, only Bob EvilTwin was there. He sez, "You must go alone." (me)- Uh, why? What's down there? (Bob)- Only what you bring with you. (me)- Now, wait just a dad-blamed minute- I heard that before somewheres... But Bob ET was gone too. Being the adventurous (i.e. stupid) type, I stumbled down the stairs, seeking the full effect of this trip. At the base of the stairs, a caves maw bid me examine. As I entered, surrealism overtook me. As I delved deeper inside, spectres of incongruous (yet linked) oddities filled my field of vision. I saw Area 51, the pyramids of Giza, Elvis (WTF?), the Bermuda triangle, crop circles in England, Stonehenge, Machu Picchu. At the end of the cave was a throne, and perched upon it a giant slug! The slug spoke to me (conveniently in English)- and said, "I am the beginning of life on this planet. I am the first multi-celled creature to slither from the Primordial Soup." (Suddenly my stomach was doing flip-flops, thinking back to lunch). "You have been deemed worthy to enter the Brotherhood of Slugdom, and will participate in gatherings to honor my greatness. Seek out MAMBM, MISFIT, MITM- some of the temples where I abide. There you will eat Primordial Soup, drink Ho-Made Corn Squeezins, and convert others to the faithful." Done with his speech, the giant slug began to quiver and shake. He then horked up and covered me in the most foul, fetid, disgusting GREEN SLIME. "Now go, and eat salt no more." Soup & HMCS are on me folks.
Flylow |