Ever start on a project and ask yourself that? Oh yeah, you know you have. So I have a project. One phase of it requires some welding and I don't have any welding equipment. I posted a note to the PNW slug list and sure enough, Snarl comes back with help in the person of Dave Eady (Cossacks MC) and a plan begins to form. Snarl's got a busy life going right now with his shop building project and at the last minute has to bail out on the plan and then Dickhaid pops in with a suggestion of renting a welder and offers the name of the rental place where his wife works.

"How hard could it be?", I ask myself as I consider welding it without expert help. I checked the map and discovered it is a pretty fur piece to where Dickhaid suggested so while I was out running errands I stopped into a local rental place and sumbitch, they've got a Lincoln 125 welder there for just $32 for 4 hours. Hell, it's only a 7 foot joint I need to weld, I could do that in nothing flat. How hard could it be?

The bastard is deceptively heavy, it's on wheels, I've got a sloping driveway, and jogging shoes on. The first thing that happened is it ran over my little toe. Mufuh that hurts - chrikie. The guy in the rental shop asked me if I know how the wirefeed stuff works and I chuckled and said "Oh yeah". I've got some scrap iron to play with so I adjust the helmet, plug in the beast, and tap the electrode. Nothing. No sparks, no flash. The handle has a trigger on it and when squeezed, wire issues from the tip. I'm guessing that is also what turns on the electricity so I squeeze the trigger and tap the electrode. In seconds I have a long loop of wire glowing red and getting brighter. I can't see any of this because the welding helmet is dark as a tomb. Later I found out I was paying by the pound for this wire.

Ok, so I'm getting the hang of this thing - you have to be careful where you aim it so that the wire starts to melt right away rather than just unspooling at $4.50/lb. After several attempts I actually draw a line of melted slag on my scrap metal and so richly infused with confidence, I approach my project. I used to do quite a bit of welding with a torch and know pretty much all there is to know about placement of the torch and the rod, and the rate of procession along the joint. With this thing I know nothing. I'm wondering if I should draw the bead or push the bead. By drawing the bead I can't see the joint to be welded and so I am kind of cartooning around the surface with the sputtering wire. If I push the weld, I can't see if I'm welding anything or just making sparks. I opt for pulling after I create a big blob of melted wire on the tip of the handle which jams the wire causing the wire feed to start birdnesting inside the welding unit. So far I've gotten 3 inches of weld done and it looks like a moonscape, but it's my moonscape and I couldn't be more proud.

This project is the cooking deck of a "Mongolian Grill" I've decided to build. I'm hoping to be the only one on my block to have one. It is a 3/16"x30" steel disk and I'm welding a 1.5" skirt around the perimeter. I'm using my woodworking pipe clamps to bend the 1/8" steel band to conform with the circumference so the process is clamp, weld, bend, clamp. After a time it also includes visiting the breaker panel, sometimes every couple of minutes or so, in fact. So there I am, breathing heavy from running to the breaker, tossing on the "tomb", and making cartoons on my soon to be beautiful grill top. I'm noticing a pattern developing in the weld that appears to be related to my being out of breath, so I figger I need to walk to the breaker, not run. After all, what the hell's the hurry? I've got 4 hours to get this done. I've already welded about a foot and a half.

My dad was a very prolific metal worker and I learned to enjoy the smells generated by his welding and grinding, and the smells of this activity reminded me of him and his array of projects. A new smell I'd noticed seemed out of place, but I attributed it to the wire feed mechanism which I was completely unfamiliar with it. It turned out to be my vest melting. Somehow a sputtering blob of metal arced up onto my shoulder and melted through the plastic vest and then started on my skin. Just a quick happy dance and everything was ok. I'd set the handle down quickly though and didn't notice that a thin wire was snaking down my driveway. I figger I just spent about $1.00 on that little sputter. I snipped off the wire and started welding again, but stopped abruptly to put on the leather gloves. I have a couple freckles on my hands, now. Nearly half way around my grill. It must be I've picked up the process quickly because the last inch of weld looks as good as the first inch and I'm thinking "hey - how hard could this be?"

Metal does some funny things when it is hot enough to melt. I'm amazed at how far it can fly, for example. I'm certain nobody will notice the grey specks on the garage door but wonder how it will look when the rust starts to run. Another funny smell signaled a fresh vent in my sport shoes that contain my freshly crushed toe. Given that the welding helmet viewing pane was both impossible to see through and pretty well scratched up I attributed my blurred vision to using cheap rental equipment until I realized I was wearing my glasses and I can't see squat inside 3 feet with them on, so I set them aside on a brick retaining wall and was pleased to discover I could actually see the joint I intended to close up even with the helmet on! I was also a bit less prideful of my moonscape now that I could see it more clearly. I was also becoming annoyed at the frequent trips to the circuit breaker so I decided I'd run a long extension cord to help limit the current. I sat down on the brick retaining wall while I untangled the cord and buried my glasses in the flowerbed. Apparently, even my glasses make my ass look big. A foot and a half to go.

Since I was welding two 4-foot pieces of steel to a roughly seven-foot circumference, and since I wanted a nice fit where the bits came together at the second joint, I carefully measured off and cut the second piece. I am pleased to announce that it fit perfectly. I closed up the last section of the joint and took a wire brush to my work to see how it looked. All I can say is, this must be truely easy because the entire seam looks perfectly consistent with no "beginners" mistakes anywhere. I am wondering, though, about all the little stubs of wire that are sticking up all over the place - I hadn't noticed them with the hood on. What the hell, I figger, everyone leaves those, I'll just nip them off and clean up everything with my new grinder. The job is done and except for a sea of slag all over the top of the grill, it looks like it will hold. Wasn't hard at all.