There's a haze hanging over the Black Hills today. You can see it when you're riding in from the east just as you pass the Badlands. South Fucking Dakota is so flat for so long, and then you see these hills like a mirage floating over the prairie. The contrast is striking because it mirrors the contrast between the people of eastern SFD and the people of the west. Take out your map of SFD and spread it out on the table. See the roads in the east? Straight. North and south or east and west. Regular. Even. Just like the fields and the farms. See the roads in the west? Weird. Crooked. Winding. Irregular. Just like the ranches and pastures and hayfields. While it might be possible to extend this analogy to the people of SFD, it won't be me who does it.

The RMH Virtual Bar & Grill has had a wild year, like all of the other wild years in its history. This year, however, for the first time, we have the statistics. The moron factor has gone up 23%. Assholes(tm) have increased dramatically (up to 67 at present writing). Less significant numbering systems have sprung up by the dozen as surely as lesser lights follow greater. The "pepsi-on-screen" measure of the lucidity of flames has actually declined 15% this year, indicating that good flamage is inversely proportional to the presence of morons.

Posts from Jon Marchant have decreased in frequency and total words per post, whereas posts from Panhead have increased in frequency and also decreased in total words per post. While this may be due to the sex lives of the participants, speculation is useless without further data.

Pooder's Postulate has held up admirably as every thread has eventually turned into a drinking thread. However, we have seen the average number of posts it takes to degenerate rise to 143. One notable outlier in this regard which probably pushed the average way up has been the Sgt. Rock thread. Combining the moron factor and the testosterone factor, this thread has accounted for most of the poor flamage and the corresponding drop in total amount of alcohol consumed in the bar.

Speaking of bar tabs, the total for this past year has been calculated. The patrons of the vb&g owe the bartender a whopping $658,221.72 on their running tabs. The strongest seller is, of course, beer, but the whiskey trade is gaining ground. The selling of one's body, firearms, or someone else's motorcycle was not included.

Technical posts this year have decreased in length, accuracy and appropriateness. While tabulating this data, I chose not to include such comments as, "An S&S Carburator up your ass might improve your performance, too, fuckwad." as a technical posting. Instructions concerning what to do with Japanese motorcycles was, however, included.

Multiple regression analysis was performed in order to try to determine the most important factors contributing to the surprising increase in morons. While no one factor was found to be the major contributor, some important factors were identified. The decreasing cost of Internet access, the decreasing cost of computers, and the increasing number of morons who own Harley Davidson motorcycles were the strongest predictors. Secondary factors included the general increase in morons in the U.S. and the high number of cross- postings that included alt.barry.manilow, alt.sex.gerbil and rec.humor.caca.peepee.

Further research is warranted. Several important questions remain unanswered: Why won't Rich Tremblay go away? What does "Heekster" stand for? Why can't shafties wheelie? Why are Assholes(tm) such assholes? What is "Martinizing" and why does it only take one hour? How many bikers does it take to change a lightbulb? Why is my FXB still leaking oil?

The work of a researcher never ends. Hope everyone had a great labor day weekend and didn't barbecue any body parts.

Penny
Asshole #29
The First Bitch of the Year