Ok, this has to be about the shortest ride report, but what the heck, it's Xmas..

Anyway, sometimes reality overides fantasy and as a first year rider, it came time to realize that there wasn't going to be anymore riding in Minnesota for this old man this winter. There's one day of the year that I always remember the weather on- no, not Xmas, it's the day I go to my tax preparer, which is usually the Sat. before April 15th. The reason I mention this is that everytime I go, I remember that it's always pouring rain and damn cold out, so today reality told me that I'm not going anywhere until at least April 15th! Unless or course I figure I got a refund coming and then I may have to go riding to the local Harley dealer looking to trade up.

Anyway, I digress. So, the "babe" has to get into the house, stupid me, I was going to do it last Sat. when the ground was still uncovered, but no, I had to go into work and laser engrave gifts for fellow employee's and certain folks around here that asked real nice. I figure I'll be safe leaving it one more day, wake up Sunday morning to a facefull of the white stuff blocking my way up the front steps and to Harley salvation! Next year no more Mr. Nice Guy, bike goes in the house first hint of snow!

So, need a ramp.. That old desktop will do with a bit of carpet on it. Lock the animals in the basement, don't want to be seen in the front yard trying to heard the cats, gonna be bad enough putting up this ramp.

Thank God it gets dark at 5pm, reduces the dork factor a bit.. Kids are off at grandparents, don't have to worry about killing them when the ramp goes flying out from underneath me.

Ok, big question, will the "babe" start. Check the gas, yup, still the stuff with the Stabilizer in it, check neutral, cool.. flip the start and the Babe purrs right up, damn I wanna ride! Gingerly back the bike out into the snow, rear wheel starts to slip out from under me, this is not gonna be fun.. Hey, gotta bag of sand in the car.. Ok, sand a path to the front door, let the bike warm way up, thank God for dipstick thermometers and those big jug shaped hand warmers..

At a grand total speed of about 2 inches per second, I more "skate" the bike into position than drive it. Damn that was scary, felt it ready to go over about 10 times as I tried to turn it. The trick was holding the front brake, kinda reverse steering it by letting out the clutch and let the rear wheel snowplow into the direction I want it to go, too strange.

Make it to the ramp, got the front wheel just touching it, let out the clutch, and, and, and, nothing!. nada, zip, spinning rear wheel, I ain't going anywhere! When in MN, you have two choices, rock the car, or call a tow truck. So, I start to rock the bike, finally friction and heat combine to dig me a dry spot and suddenly I am "launched" up the ramp, very much how I imagine Mr. Knieval would do it! Except I have a door jam in front of me and I am accelerating a bit too fast. Now a word to those who may be dumb enough to emulate my actions! MAKE SURE ALL LEATHER ACCESSORIES ARE FULLY BUTTONED AND CLOSED BEFORE GETTING NEAR DOOR HANDLES!

So, hear I am, at the top of the ramp, feeling like I just topped Everest, and my damn left wrist is stuck on the door handle, I can't let go of the clutch, can't lift my feet to get to neutral otherwise I go over, can't let go of the brake or I'll roll back into the abyss, what's a shmuck to do!? So, I kill the engine, let out the clutch, reach over with the free hand and pry the damn screen door handle out of my jacket sleeve. Thank God it's dark out, did I mention that already?

Ok, restart the bike, I got two feet left to reach Heaven, Valhalla, the Promised Land. Let out the clutch, the bikes not going anywhere.. it's stuck on the bottom door jam, the more I give it, the more the ramp is kicking out from under me, if it goes out completely, I'm going to have the ass end of a bike hanging out 3 feet in the air, and then gravity is going to take over. Oh poop! It's about now I wish I had the dog and kids hooked up to a harness to get me over the last two inches. Anyway, Fug it, I got nothing to loose except my hands and the door jam, I gun that thing, things get real loud (I just had to put on those slip-on's last month) and the bike launches itself and me again into the living room! Thank God again for those carpet scraps and good brakes, I swear I was airborne there for about 4 ft.

Anyway, after a brief cooldown of both myself and the bike, we are both now comfortably tucked away in our respective corners of the house, preparing ourselves for the soon to come -40f winter evenings that makes one question their sanity about living in this part of America.

So, that's my Xmas ride story, hopefully the spring one won't be necessary as downhill and dry is always easier I would hope. But I'm going to start planning on buying or building a real ramp for next years effort, and not waiting until Xmas day to execute it..

Or maybe I'll just move somewhere warmer!

Happy Holidays to all of you, hope you and your loved one's are safe and home and enjoying each others company. And also, I hope Santa was good to all of you that deserved it!

Doug